Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
