I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
