I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
