Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
