i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
