god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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