you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
