I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
