I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
