dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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