she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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