I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
