In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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