Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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