Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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