someone threw a dead crab at me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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