He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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