i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
