Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found a bag of teeth...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
