the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
