drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
