Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
