Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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