The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
