So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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