My room smells like vodka and shame
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
