the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
