Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
love makes seman taste better
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
