You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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