girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
