How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
