i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The uberlube is also flammable
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
