Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
