Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
