After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
