im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
