I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
