I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
