I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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