I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
