I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just google imaged poop.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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