nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
