so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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