do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have fence marks all over my body
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
