i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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