I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
