I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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