You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
