just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
