the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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