so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
